Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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