covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
