We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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