capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
