it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
