dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
