If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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