I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
