i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
