Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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