Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
