Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
