I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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