i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
