I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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