What did we do last night that was yellow?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
