I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
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