were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
