So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
