Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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