I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
