yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
