So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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