he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
