shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
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My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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