My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
