Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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