Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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