I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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