Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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