you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
