I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She is in my trunk
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
