one two three fourrrrnication!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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