yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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