I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
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