Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
