yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
