I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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