Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
