No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
