pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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