he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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