There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Say something about gay babies.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
