yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
