he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
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Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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