The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
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Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
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are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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