i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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