I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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