The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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