I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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