I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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