does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
