the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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