Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
