jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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