We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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