My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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