I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize