hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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