There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
