i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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