fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I skipped work to stalk him.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize