Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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