I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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