My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
