That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
