saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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