i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
